They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Randomize
