Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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