this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
