I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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