That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
