Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
