I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
