I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
