I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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