3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
