just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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