I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
