I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
