So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
