I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
