I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
