the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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