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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
