I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
