I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
areolas are like halos for boobs.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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