Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
