Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
