All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
