Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
