I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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