did you get engaged???
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
