Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
