there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
