So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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