fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
