so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
