I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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