My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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