i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
