dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
