Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
