Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
