Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
honey bunches of taint.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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