If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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