i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
People in love make me want to vomit
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
