I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
40s are totally the cure
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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