Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
