ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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