just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Just cropdusted the office
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
