Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
