Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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