WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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