White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
