Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
