I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
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