the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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