im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
