and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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