That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
