How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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